Thinkin 'Bout Thinkin

Door Locked

October 31, 2024

The Usual

I’m done! Outta here! Good bye!
Door Locked

That’s weird.

Time passes, still acid around, seeking a different facet… Door locked

Why can’t I leave?

Isn’t happiness or peace on the other side? Won’t the other side make me feel alive? I’m shocked…

What is keeping me here?

Shouldn’t I be able to leave? To start anew and to seek what I believe?

Maybe not…

I’ll stick around and give it time
Times up! The decision is mine

Door locked

How? Am I really supposed to sit and work through this?
With arms crossed, I don’t wanna. This environment makes me pissed

Changing perspective

If I’m forced to be here, I will need to change how I view it
Maybe stay and change the mindset of “they blew it”

Shifting occurs

Consistent smiles appear, maybe I was supposed to stay here

What about the locked door?

It’s still there, but I notice it’s cracked
I now have the choice to walk and never come back

Lesson learned

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Hallow

October 19, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

To be born full, championing someone who’s hallow
Not realizing what you’re giving away to match who stands in the shadow

Calibrating to match, placing your heart on the back burner
You are placing your heart so far back, might be time for the coroner

It is only after you learn how you your passions
How destructive it all was, like choosing a shack over a mansion

Time to search for your heart, that which you tucked away
This person you copied, are they built the same way?

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Blueprint

October 18, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

The blueprint I was given wasn’t made for me
For years I believed otherwise which clouded how I see

If I follow this while doing that…eureka!!! Happiness!
Did I forget to carry the one? I’ve only been driven to madness

But who’s driving? I glance down to see my hands at 9 and 3
It’s me. Time to reassess before I end up on “E”

Maybe it’s upside down, I’m only human after all
If humans made this, is this blueprint flawed?

Time to create my own blueprint, one for others to follow
Something that generates peace and not feeling hallow

Once complete, I can pass it to those who want to see
Only for them to say, “The blueprint I was given wasn’t made for me.”

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The Aristocratic Bastard

August 27, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

By Jerome Alexander

Consistent control of consciousness allows one to remain anonymous while practicing stoicism for just a little; face to face with my demons, I’m close enough to have entangled eyelash’s while shooting death stares magnified by the colossal cyclops of our personalities.

Uncommonly simple but, direct and to the point, most disperse as I begin to concoct various virtuous verses. There, in the void of loving her, in the corner of her preoccupied heart; I stood while being misunderstood simply as, the riddle hiding behind the mystery of our very on misery. Sitting at a standstill within time while consistently attempting to reintroduce me back to myself as the rarest paradoxical paradigm of our time

Love languages hidden within A monolith of past traumas and sharp shards of harden words stronger than bone; her heart was once my home but, nevermore. My toxic love once proceeded me as folklore. Modern day vodoo allows me to ascertain powers by the great cthulhu. Systematically she’s broken down as she asks me “why are you doing this? what did I do you”? I destroyed something beautiful…what did I do to her?

In silence, I watch, not making a sound as a tsunami of emotions washes over her in the form of a thousand foot wave made of my inner insecurities and deeper enigmas she couldn’t figure but, still tried to use quantitative methods to simply understand the type of hold evil had on such a good man. Her trust? broken, morals? violated and sanity has been completely washed away as I stand on my beach of hell replaying every action and every word ever spoken, wondering, why did I treat her that way???? And,…will she be forever broken????

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To Be Held

June 26, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

I know that I’m the man here but can you hold me?
I’m always having to hold him, her, or they but what about me?

Can someone just hold me, let me fall apart while they hold me together?
There’s plenty of pressure out here but to be held and comforted would make it a little better

As the man we are always holding them
When wanting to be held can be followed by shame

Can you hold me and be interested in my day?
My story is maybe elongated but at least listen to what I have to say

Can you hold me and let me fall asleep?
I’m always more exhausted than I realize, I’m like a mobile trash heap

Is it okay to admit that I want to be held by someone?
Is it to feminine of a question? Something that can’t be won?

Is there something stopping you from holding me? What is it?
I do all I can in this life, can you come pay me a visit?

Can you come and hold me and allow me to be weak?
Getting physical with you isn’t all that I seek

Can you hold me and say it’ll be okay
Or is that too much for you after a long day

Who can come hold me? Can someone please… If only for a few moments
That little boy inside would love it. He’s in there just dormant.

I need someone to hold me, I’m afraid to admit it
If you were to make it out, it would be worth the trip

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Stages

June 18, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

It was placed on life support right before I left
Shortly after arriving I was informed it had passed

I then spent the next few months in denial and filled with anger
I had to accept that something I once loved was gone and changed forever

Eventually, a sense of acceptance began to wash over me
The fog of loss was clearing for opportunities

But then I returned and came face to face with the gravestone
It had passed months ago but I was unable to make out the end date

I found myself now bargaining with the tombstone
Forgetting about the terminal diagnosis and what caused it to perish

What I think I want is just below the gravestone
To dig up what is there won’t change how it got there

I think I’ve finally experienced all stages and I’m able to move on
The pain will eventually subside, maybe after days, weeks, months and so on…

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Descendants of Adam

June 11, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

By Ryan Miller

Floating through generations upon generations of reigns and gains intertwined with false prophets and huge losses, surnames exist, persist, and desist.

An heir to the creation of man, created in His image, Adam hit the scene as the beginning of this damned hood.
Manhood. It descended from Adam but left so much to be desired and not a whole lot to be admired except for the creator of his being.

Now we are left seeing the sins of all our prior descendants of Adam and questioning if we can overcome and withstand the onslaught of all the evil that we’ve forever fought.

Daughters of Judas are bearing it all and simultaneously befriending snakes as they look up to us for goodness sake, as if they want to be led but also get inside our bed.

The split tongues slither out onto our heads and the desire to be fed is insatiable… or is it?
Can we be fully quenched?
After all, we are the descendants of Adam.

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Daughters of Judas

June 4, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

By H. Jerome Alexander

I sat with my anger for so long that it eventually revealed its name to me…grief, the grief of consistently allowing myself to be sidetracked by someone who’s mentally off track. Psychological gains from years of pain as I now laugh with the victory of knowing there is nothing better than having it all, loosing it and getting it back again. Philosophies birthed, experiences had and wisdom acquired while serving the sheer purpose of being good enough for someone else by walking a straight line in between the alpha and omega of our two shared moments in time. Peaceful winds of love now transformed storms of lies in the form of icy hail. Betrayal? Nothing new to men like us; we knew better, when we first made contact with the daughters of Judas.

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Lover’s Comet

May 21, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

After five thousand days you’re back in my life
Like a visiting comet making your way as a passer-by

I’m caught in your cosmic display, wanting this forever
For I don’t know when I’ll see you again… Make it not never

Collide into me so that we can fuse
Your last visit left us with an emotional bruise

Your forgiving soul orbited back to me
Gravity’s pull was constantly at work, effortlessly

Five thousand days somehow feels like only one yesterday
Will you fly off into darkness or decide to stay?

Should you stick around and continue smiling
I will keep you safe with love piling and continue fallin’ in

You didn’t know where you were headed
With the fleeting memory of me in your bed

I knew you were out there, I thought you were circling someone new
Allow me to grab my telescope to get a better look at you

Don’t mimic Halley’s behavior, stick around for awhile
I know you’re tired, no need to run, just relax, look at me, and smile

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How Are You Able to Move On?

April 29, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

How are you able to really move on?
Was it what you heard me say about you to others?

How are you really able to move on?
Was it me telling you how I felt smothered?

How are you really able to move on?
Was it me telling you I wanted my own place?

How are you really able to move on?
Was it the repeated desire for my own space?

How are you really able to move on?
Was it the pictures you saw in my phone?

How are you really able to move on?
Was it about my desire to sleep alone?

How are you really able to move on?
Was it me finding passion elsewhere?

How are you really able to move on?
Was it me lying, then finally admitting I was there?

I really don’t understand how you’re able to just pack up and leave
It must be someone or something else you kept up your sleeve

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