Thinkin 'Bout Thinkin

Sold Separately

June 29, 2025

Poetry

When you finally discover who you really are, will you be able to forgive yourself?

To give yourself grace while learning how hurt people really do hurt people

Of course not intentional pain, just the right amount to match what was familiar

A self-made distiller, manufacturing what can “only be” without considering there’s more to see

You are only creating what you KNOW to be true, how could there be another truth?

Once unveiled, the real you has known all along, they just weren’t strong enough

To show you what you weren’t ready to accept…accepting how absolutely beautiful all of this is

And how that pain you created isn’t a requirement…it can be something sold separately

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Ego’s Fall

May 31, 2025

Poetry

With a smile on his face, he puts his truck in park
She invited him over without even a date, he thinks it was the spark

They exchange pleasantries and lay down
He believes he deserves this, as he looks around

He’s smiling at what he thinks is a win
He’s blinded, she will be his greatest sin

She thinks he’s okay, but needs a father for her fatherless child
She needs him to stick around, regardless of her mileage

He believes he deserves this and she makes him believe so
She saw his weakness all along, his ego

She will feed it as long as she needs to
He’s clueless about the plot, unfortunately this is something he needs to go through

Years pass, she’s gotten what she wanted and more
He’s doing more than expected, he’s convinced there’s happiness in store

She balances what she wants to do with filling his ego
He’s home with the kids as she goes to and fro with them and who

The plot begins revealing itself
Realizing the damage his ego has done to his health

He had to go through this hell to grow and stand tall
He needed her to showcase his flaws, a battle he won with ego’s fall

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Casual Actions, Permanent Mindset

May 27, 2025

The Usual

It is difficult to find someone permanent, with casual actions
In the beginning, you will ride the emotional wave
The moment it fades, off you go, looking again, not wondering what happened

With casual actions, you yourself become a casual partner
They are there to have fun and run
They are not there to see if things go further

Frustrations grow, you consider yourself to be permanent
With little to no poker face, they know your hand
They know to limit the chips of involvement

The uneducated will fall for your words
They will be committed and loyal
While your actions go completely unheard

You are blinded about your value
Your actions say, “I like the idea of permanent,
But once there is too much peace, I will leave you.”

With actions and mindset out of alignment
The cycle remains permanent that is
Until mindset and action come into agreement

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Stepped Out

May 9, 2025

Poetry

It has felt good to finally step out on you
After the sleepless nights and all you put me through

What’s their name and how did we meet? Let me finish telling you about this before providing you with the information you seek

Our conversations are almost as great as the shared silence
We knew each other long ago, but reconnected through mutual friends

The time in the gym is intense
Encouraging each other with a single glance

Laying together is peace sprinkled with laughter
It is so easy to get going the morning after

I know you have suspected infidelity for some time now
Changes in my schedule have you thinking I’m running around town

You asked for their name? The one who has made me so happy
Gleefully, I’m cheating on you…with me

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You Are The Pebble In My Shoe

April 27, 2025

Poetry, The Usual

I was strolling through town when I was met
Met with a discomfort that caused me to limp, I’ll never forget

As I focused on the feeling, it centered around my feet
Feet used for walking, but my right was dying for relief

I paused and felt the culprit moving about
About to sit on a bench with the sky empty of clouds

I pulled off my shoe and found the reason for pain
Pain I recognized from dealing with your daily distain

Were you ever happy or happy complaining?
Complaining about the blue sky and how it should be raining

Much like this pebble the irritation started small
Small discomfort causing my joy to stall

This small stone reminds me of you
You are the pebble in my shoe

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Everlasting Evaluation

March 15, 2025

The Usual

By H. Jerome Alexander

Wicked atrocities, birthed from limitless possibilities, allow acquired wisdom to craft words of empty promises into vivid imagery. Collective personalities and thoughts from the delegation within me, provides crystal clear clarity into the malevolent synergy that often proceeds me.

A reborn pacifist with a past life of being known for historically passing fist with fits of rage has finally turned the page. Previously, I have succumbed to unwarranted desire, I have bathed in the phoenixes fire, I have been the life jacket, I have been the lighthouse for lovers lost on their way to me when vision was absent yet her heart always saw me.

Reciprocity and consistency paired together frequently allows me to tune into her specific frequency so she could see, her missing part has always been me. Combating her outside versions of fact and fiction has always caused friction yet, it only takes one ember to remember the heaven sent fragrance of elegance from her breath the day she said: “I want to love you until I have nothing left”.

Astonished, I replied “baby, I’ve been pushing through bullshit since 1982 which means, now I’m strong enough to deal with my situations and carefully carry your insecurities too”. So, when questions from her arise like, “if I’m hurt would you leave and say that we are through”? “Would you be mad when times get hard and I’m not sure what to do”? “If I lack belief in myself and lose all hope would you go”?! I lose myself in her eyes as I reply, sweetheart, to quote hamlet: Act 3, Scene 3, line 87…. “NO”

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Why Can’t I?

February 18, 2025

The Usual

Why can’t I come crying about my other kids to you?
Expressing how I can’t see them as much as I want to

Why can’t I tell you my fears?
Those demons I’ve been sitting on for years

Why can’t I use your vacant shoulder?
To confide in as this stress makes me older

Why can’t I feel seen?
To be armorless because you will defend me and keep me clean

Why can’t I be me?
You’ve seen me but believe it to be something other than I aim to be

Why carry this weight?
Finally a question to help me to either go or stay

Why can’t I?

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Courting Chaos

January 23, 2025

Poetry, The Usual

Engulfed by beauty, you don’t realize the storm you are in
The storm is loud, quiet at first, but mostly deafening

My friends gave caution of what I was in
But I felt compelled to see what lies therein

Chaos may seem fun, for a little while
Does becoming immune to poison stop it from hurting
The chaos I’m in went from fun to saying “What am I doing?!”

Am I losing myself to this disruptive person
With someone who says peace is boring and so on

What is there to change when the rules keep changing?
When up is down and the truth leads to blaming

With someone like this, do I want peace?
Or do I want someone who causes my growth to cease?

I thought I wanted better but I’m convinced this is okay
I wonder what is outside of this if I step away

Will I escape the high winds that know no end?
To know this is peace and just not the eye of the storm

Attempting to tame chaos is constant insanity
Chaos doesn’t believe in me, but only in being fueled by we

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The Grieving Period

January 12, 2025

Poetry

Her
I cried for a week straight
Wondering what I did, staying up late

I was inconsolable, constant tears
Wondering if I had wasted those years

Fears of the future, I need a suture
Questioning if the end was mutual

The emotional tsunami passed by me
By day nine, see…I had someone to lay beside me

I know X is fine, I’m the prize
I don’t need to be in a situation that causes my demise

Him
I forget how many months have past, but I still wonder
How do I let go to be beyond her

I ponder if this is normal grieving
Staying in the gym, closely watching what I’m eating

I need to look and feel good for me
Maybe this will lessen the pain I feel when my heart beats

Doing my best to not think of X, it is no use
No need to pursue someone else with my blown love fuse

Believing it will get better is key
I’m not getting better for them, but for me

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Burnt

December 1, 2024

Poetry, The Usual

Sitting on a bench on a calm afternoon
The birds in the distance somehow enhance the cigar’s flavor
The light breeze makes their presence known

After a draw, ashes come loose and fall onto the back of other hand
The feeling stings, but they don’t move
They are watching

Watching the skin burn reminds them of their fragility
Hearing the sizzle, the building pain, but no movement

Still watching and feeling
How similar this burning has been
The burn from a lover, a child, family, a friend

Then…done

The burning stops
Time for another draw
Eventually the burning always stops
Get back to enjoying the day

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